prickling like the grass, humidity clinging and hugging close to the sweat building up. night songs begin featured by sparrows and blue jays cardinals and early owls. Hawks spy close And cars swing by soft. People stir a little. Sunday night breathing light and relaxing. The mind is quiet and the songs are pleasant. Water trickles down with the sun a beautiful period; transitioning to the moon.
Drama queen. That’s what Amna Ejaz called me, long ago, back when I hung out at libraries and saved up for electronic dictionaries. I was jealous of hers, she could look up any word at any time. This was before smartphones and the powerful accessibility of google. A different time indeed. I was selective in whom I spoke with, shy mostly of everyone, my social skills very limited. I read books most of the time. And acted in according to the characters I was reading. Speaking in poetry at 11 and being very misunderstood. I read chicken soup books to attempt to understand and self help books frequently. I embraced my dramatics, the way I spoke and carried myself. Experiencing adventure in books and in imagination, when I couldn’t in reality.
But I needed to do this because we’ll I like loyalty, and even if I pretend I dont, I always will.
It will hurt my feelings.
You will just be my friend.
Let you play me
Sexually if you may
Or perhaps even better intellectually
Self aware and willing to share the blinded dark side of our moons
Pink Floyd mostly says everything best
Astrology says we are detached
delusions haunting everyday
In a good way
I’ll be better for me cause of you but mostly me and synchronicity
Grateful and mostly grateful dead
And a touch of grey
Thank you namaste bitch it’s okay im intelligent enough to realize everything that surrounds me even if I am not educated by others about it. It’s a sense a real weird happenstance. The gift of the preppy and nerd and hipster cool girl bitch all at the same time. I see a new girl mirror who I used to be. I am a strong teacher now. Tho I dont get paid like one because I don’t have the degree. I will achieve it or be a counselor, but mostly I will just be.
Sometimes I need a break and that’s okay.
This is my life this is who I am. I am spiritual and trust the universe so anxiety will stop here now. I will let the energy take care of it. And make my anxiety be creativity. I Will focus. I will do. I Will fucking be. Thank you for leading the way. You are the tramp if I ever was a lady. And I can handle it but I can’t ignore it.
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Quit my job. So happy. I hope I am not unemployed for too long. First I want to go on a road trip to savannah and new orleans and st Louis and Nashville and austin. Then go to a different country for a week. Then get a job. I need to make more money. I felt stagnant. Like I was drowning, I need an adventure you see. Also more yoga and water, creativity. I’ll see where my path leads me. 25 and not completely sure as society says you really should be. I’m too free to ever be sure or to never feel like I’m moving. I must keep on growing.
I am getting wrinkled with age and the time is going gone
Here we are.
I am yours and you are mine.
Our flesh has never touched
Our voices never reach the ear.
Mystery fresh. Let’s keep it like this for a while.
I want to know what your hand feels like. Rough or soft or if your face is only truly melancholoy.
I want to meet you in person somewhere adventuring
Or just when you are in your solitude.
I want to be your friend for real.
I want to see your eyes for minutes
Drink in your vision
Blessings and moon goddess prayers to you everyday.
You helped me believe in my worth.
I dont know why but you really helped me. You really did.
And now I have help from others too.
But u were there when I needed you
And I Will always be grateful to u.
You’re very powerful and I care for you.
I dont really understand. But im level headed and non anxious and non manic. Its weird
A friend of mine uses subtle comments to address my self importance and pretentious attitude. I thought they all just knew, a character I like to play sometimes. I was once a pretty girl and it never mattered to me. I was never shallow and now I’m ugly. Everything that I thought I wanted to be so I could be just like them.
How could I feel important or pretentious over the life I live now, it’s terrible an embarrassment and I’d rather just never live in it.
If they are going to hate me im going to play a character I enjoy to play.
Big hats and sunglasses hiding my dismay.
And ignorance and sleeping and staying awake for too long.